Forgiveness

Some of Jones' theological reflections on Christian forgiveness and his critique of therapeutic forgiveness:

In therapeutic forgiveness "an individual's psychic health replaces the goal of substantive Christian community lived in faithfulness to the Triune God; sin--though not named such--is something that others do to me (typically "despite their best intentions") rather than a more complex reality that pervades our lives and relations as well as afflicting specific behaviors; and a false compassion without attention to repentance and culpability reflects a failure to exercise a discerning judgment oriented toward graceful reconciliation."

~L. Gregory Jones, Embodying Forgiveness: A Theological Analysis, pp. 66-67

"We need an eschatological understanding of Christian forgiveness. Christian forgiveness is not simply a word of acquital; nor is it something that merely refers backward. Rather, Christian forgiveness--and more specifically, forgiven-ness--is a way of life, a fidelity to a relationship of friendship, that must be learned and relearned on our journey toward holiness in God's eschatological Kingdom. It is a way of life that requires the ever-deepening and ever-widening sense of what friendship with God and with God's creatures entails. It is ever-deepening and ever-widening precisely because we must continually find ways--in communion with God, one another, and the whole creation--to unmask our deceptions of ourselves, of others, and of the world through the lives of forgiven-ness."

~L. Gregory Jones, Embodying Forgiveness: A Theological Analysis, pp. 52-53

I think Jones has slightly discounted the personal motivating factors of forgiveness such as increased mental health and has created a slightly idealistic view of humans being able to forgive because of completely selfless reasons. But I do like a lot of what he says.

Anyway, here are some of my own personal scribblings on the matter in my notebook during class. There's some good stuff in here about what forgiveness is and what it is not.

1. Forgiveness is a way of life to be embodied...it is not just something we do when we are hurt.
2. Forgiveness should be viewed as a "craft" instead of a behavior.
3. For Christ, the point of forgiveness (his death on the cross) was not for God to feel good, but rather, to reconcile us to Himself.
4. Therefore, forgiveness should be a path to reconciliation (or at least open the door to it)
5. People may start the forgiveness process because of their own pain...and that's okay. God can use that too. When someone has been deeply wronged, they may not be at a place to embody selfless Christian forgiveness.

I find that therapeutic forgiveness and Christian forgiveness can not be so easily separated as Jones likes to make it. I think one is realistic and one is something to be strived for. I'm not sure I have it all figured out...in fact I know I don't.

My Guilt is Gone

I just don't understand what's gotten into me lately...three posts three days in a row. I guess the semester must me more conducive to regular blogging than my summer was.

So I'm really excited about my class on forgiveness this fall. It's going to be amazing. I think it was kind of a miracle that I am even taking the class. I was planning on picking up the credits elsewhere because the class may or may not be noticed as legitimate counseling credit for master's level work by certain states. It doesn't count toward licensure in Kentucky at least, which is where I'll at least be getting started. But something weird happened Monday night in that I just felt compelled to take the class. Something came over me and I decided that my personal betterment and learning is more important to me than licensure requirements. (And I am sad to say, that is unlike me and my usual behavior). I tend to usually be more focused on finding the most practical way to reach a certain goal instead of being open to doing things that may hinder reaching it. So this is very laid-back of me.

And I had one of those deep moments today where you feel like you've discovered something that's been hidden inside of your soul for a long time but you've just been too blind to see it. I was thinking about a conversation I had with a friend yesterday in which I was telling her about some of the difficult emotions I've been going through recently and how I am feeling generally confused and disconnected from God. When speaking of the idealistic and high expectations I place on myself, she said, "Sounds like a lot of guilt is there." It didn't really click with me until today that I think the reason I've been feeling disconnected is that I haven't truly realized how much guilt I've been holding onto for years and years. While I feel like I am aware of the sin in my life and generally confess it, I have been letting the guilt pile up. I haven't truly been experiencing the fullness of God's forgiveness.

And how might I have come to this epiphany, you might be asking yourself. I actually had this "aha" moment when I started singing that old Four Non Blondes song from the early nineties. You know, the one that's like, "he-eee-eeeeee-ey, he-eee-eeeee-eey...I said hey...what's goin' on?" (I like to sing to myself while I'm cleaning. It helps to pass the time.) But anyway, singing that song reminded me of a version of that song we would sing at church camp. It's cheesy, yes I know, but God can use the cheesy stuff to get ahold of you if he needs to. Here are the words to that version:

So I wake in the morning and I step outside
and I take a deep breath and I look on high and I
scream from the top of my lungs
My guilt is gone!

And I said hey...
And I say hey my guilt is gone
And I say hey...
I say hey my guilt is gone

My favorite part is that when the kids would get to the "my guilt is gone" part, they would scream it as loud and as hard as they possibly could. Kids would actually go home from camp with no voice left because of the song. While it seems kind of silly, I think that is how it should be. It's a reminder that it really is gone when we confess it and we don't have to carry it around with us anymore and let it weigh us down. And that's something to be excited about. Oh the things we can learn from children.

Things that make you go hmmm

This isn't a normal kind of post for me, but I found some things on the web that don't sit quite right with me. I thought I'd share them with you:

Apparently Clay Aiken is becoming a politician (?) He is possibly going to be named to the President's committee for people with intellectual disabilities. So he was a YMCA counselor and that makes him eligible to become an advisor to the president?? Maybe I should sign up since I have worked with many a people who have "intellectual disabilities." Click here if you don't believe me.

At the Toronto Film Festival that's coming up, a docudrama entitled "Death of a President" will be shown. A filmmaker from the UK created this TV miniseries in which President Bush is shown being assassinated by a Syrian man. He apparently wrote and produced this to show the possible effects of war on the US. What a way to make a statement, huh? I'm not so sure about this but it might be just a little disrespectful and wrong. He actually transposed President Bush's face over the actor's in the film. Click here for more info. Oh, and the Toronto Film Festival website has issued a statement after the flack that it has obviously received for showing such a film.

As many of you may know, the Crocodile Hunter died tragically after being stung by a poisonous sting-ray in the chest. He was filming a documentary when this happened so it is all on film. I saw an article this morning that there is a possibility this footage might be released publically if the family gives permission. Why in the world would anyone ever give permission for footage showing your husband's/father's/son's, etc. death to public gawkers? That is so wrong! Have we become such a culture of consumerism that we have forgotten the value and sanctity of life? Even if he was an entertainer, have some respect. Come on!

I'm still here

So I haven't written on this thing in almost two months. Sorry to keep you waiting for so long. I'll give a quick rundown on my summer. Most you already know much of this (and if you don't, then quit reading my blog, psycho-stalker!)...just kidding.

This summer, Jackie...
1. Went to Colorado and got engaged! I traveled to Estes Park, CO at the end of July-beginning of August with Peter and his family. We stayed in a cute little cabin and did some hiking, putt-putting, game-playing, reading, and relaxing with nature. On the first morning there Peter and I went on the Emerald Lake trail by ourselves and he popped the question!! We're getting married on May 26, 2007 in Lexington. Yay for us!

2. Completed half of her practicum requirements at a private for-profit mental health/ substance abuse hospital. I certainly learned a lot there, both about myself and about the mental health profession. I learned a little more about what kinds of settings I would like to eventually work in. I learned that I want to have on-going relationships with clients instead of only meeting with them once for an intake. I want to walk beside them through their treatment. I also found that the world of for-profit mental health is not really for me. I found it hard to concentrate on what was truly best for the client (patient) when I had to act as a "used-car salesman" for our services. It can be a cruel and depersonalizing environment to work in. I would much rather help people because they're hurting human beings in need of help rather than because admissions are down and the CEO of the hospital is worried about the cash-flow. And that's why I am going to be completing the rest of my practicum requirements this year at a non-for-profit counseling center.

3. Was a nerd. Most of my free time that wasn't spent at my practicum or in Colorado was spent studying for the online class I took. I know, what a riveting life I lead.

4. Took a trip to King's Island amusement park. If you don't already know, I turn into a little kid at amusement parks, so this was certainly a highlight for my summer. When we ran into traffic on the way there and it took an extra hour to get there, I was bouncing up and down and asking, "How much longer??" I think I might have driven Peter close to the edge. I just love the memories of spending my whole summer looking forward to that one day I would get to spend riding roller coasters and eating funnel cakes. I guess I'm easy to please. Peter said he almost decided to propose to me on top of one of the roller coasters. I'm so crazy about them that it would have been okay with me!! Roller coasters almost compare to the beauty of the Rocky Mountains...almost.

5. Decided that my faith needs to be more authentic and more of a central part of who I am. It's cliche I know, but it's truly how I feel. Our new pastor has been giving some amazing sermons on prayer, fasting, and giving to the poor. And what I am hearing is what I want for my life...I just haven't quite gotten there. So I guess I have just been more inspired to keep after it. I'm on a journey where I think I kind of just stopped to view the scenery for a while and need to stand back up and keep moving.

I am sure there is so much more to tell about my summer, but you get the picture. I'm going to live happily ever after with a super boy, my degree is almost done, I want to keep things in focus, I'll be planning a wedding for the next eight and a half months, etc. This is going to be a big year for me.