My Guilt is Gone

I just don't understand what's gotten into me lately...three posts three days in a row. I guess the semester must me more conducive to regular blogging than my summer was.

So I'm really excited about my class on forgiveness this fall. It's going to be amazing. I think it was kind of a miracle that I am even taking the class. I was planning on picking up the credits elsewhere because the class may or may not be noticed as legitimate counseling credit for master's level work by certain states. It doesn't count toward licensure in Kentucky at least, which is where I'll at least be getting started. But something weird happened Monday night in that I just felt compelled to take the class. Something came over me and I decided that my personal betterment and learning is more important to me than licensure requirements. (And I am sad to say, that is unlike me and my usual behavior). I tend to usually be more focused on finding the most practical way to reach a certain goal instead of being open to doing things that may hinder reaching it. So this is very laid-back of me.

And I had one of those deep moments today where you feel like you've discovered something that's been hidden inside of your soul for a long time but you've just been too blind to see it. I was thinking about a conversation I had with a friend yesterday in which I was telling her about some of the difficult emotions I've been going through recently and how I am feeling generally confused and disconnected from God. When speaking of the idealistic and high expectations I place on myself, she said, "Sounds like a lot of guilt is there." It didn't really click with me until today that I think the reason I've been feeling disconnected is that I haven't truly realized how much guilt I've been holding onto for years and years. While I feel like I am aware of the sin in my life and generally confess it, I have been letting the guilt pile up. I haven't truly been experiencing the fullness of God's forgiveness.

And how might I have come to this epiphany, you might be asking yourself. I actually had this "aha" moment when I started singing that old Four Non Blondes song from the early nineties. You know, the one that's like, "he-eee-eeeeee-ey, he-eee-eeeee-eey...I said hey...what's goin' on?" (I like to sing to myself while I'm cleaning. It helps to pass the time.) But anyway, singing that song reminded me of a version of that song we would sing at church camp. It's cheesy, yes I know, but God can use the cheesy stuff to get ahold of you if he needs to. Here are the words to that version:

So I wake in the morning and I step outside
and I take a deep breath and I look on high and I
scream from the top of my lungs
My guilt is gone!

And I said hey...
And I say hey my guilt is gone
And I say hey...
I say hey my guilt is gone

My favorite part is that when the kids would get to the "my guilt is gone" part, they would scream it as loud and as hard as they possibly could. Kids would actually go home from camp with no voice left because of the song. While it seems kind of silly, I think that is how it should be. It's a reminder that it really is gone when we confess it and we don't have to carry it around with us anymore and let it weigh us down. And that's something to be excited about. Oh the things we can learn from children.