The Secret of the Universe

Whenever I clean I spend a lot of time thinking. And since I was cleaning all day today, I did a lot of thinking. I was thinking about a confrontational conversation I had with a friend in which I didn't feel worked out so well. You know, one of those conversations when neither one of you quite knows what to say? And no matter what you say you feel like you've been misunderstood? Heck, I didn't even know what I was feeling. I hate that. Sometimes I can get so caught up in how to communicate something that I become disconnected from what I really need at that moment.

What I really needed was to have my feelings validated. I just needed her to say, "It's okay for you to be feeling what you're feeling right now. I understand." Why couldn't I just tell her that's what I needed? That incident made me think how important this kind of validation is for me. I think my life would be perfect bliss if everyone I came in contact with understood what I was feeling and acknowledged it out loud. I think it's what I long for without even realizing it. When I'm not feeling validated I get that horrible feeling that I am isolated or broken off from someone and start to think that what I'm feeling is not acceptable. I feel like God's intention was for everyone to validate everyone else's feelings and be completely comfortable with their own feelings. Too bad we're clouded by sin and this is not the case.

I don't know why I don't think about this more often. It's what they teach you when you need to de-escalate conflict. Empathize with someone. Point out the giant pink elephant that's in the room. I learn it in counseling classes. I still have trouble applying it to my own life. I want to be more in touch with my feelings so that I can put my finger on what I'm feeling before it's been 2 hours past the time of when I needed to communicate it.