In the moment
I don't even know the point of this blog anymore...I confess. I've been inconsistent and I am not going to make any promises from here on out to be consistent in the future either. But for now, I'll write.
I've had a lot on my mind lately. My life is moving faster than I can handle sometimes. In about three months I'll be undergoing several major life changes. These include getting married (yay!), going to Europe for the first time, graduating Seminary, securing my first full-time job (hopefully), and moving (which will involve living with a boy for the first time). Whew! I am going to be busy. I guess I already am.
But while all this is going on, I find myself having an internal countdown in my head. "In one more week it'll be three months until the wedding..." and so forth. Why am I so focused on what lies ahead? Well I guess that question has a kind of obvious answer to it. But why do I do that to the exclusion of what's going on around me right now? Perhaps I am in survival mode, just trying to make it with all I have yet to do. So much planning is going into the event of the wedding it is easy to wish it all away. But now my goal is not merely to survive the next three months of finishing up school, planning the wedding, and finding a job. My goal is to enjoy these three months, to live in the moment, soak up the excitement and anticipation of it all, and to actually learn something in my classes. Time passes so quickly already, but I want to at least look back after the wedding and graduation and say to myself "I really lived life fully over the last few months."
I am asking God to make me teachable. I want to soak up the information in my classes and allow God to use it to continue to shape me and help me grow as a person and as a professional. I am of course asking Him to do miraculous works in my mother's body to make her able to be at the wedding in May. I am also asking Him to help me to be a gracious giver throughout these months. It can be so easy to become super self-focused in times like these. I feel this humongous burden in my heart about whether or not Mom will be able to make it to the wedding and it makes me want to feel sorry for myself. Instead of wallowing in self-pity and frustration, I want to reach out to Mom and Dad in this time because I imagine it is even harder to be in their shoes right now. I want to be sensitive to the things other people are going through too. So I'm putting on my "others glasses." I hope the perscription is right. Okay, that sounded kinda silly. But you get the point.
Most of all, I want to be a living testament to God's glory in this time. He has the power to change us and transform us, to strengthen us in order to make a difference even when we feel small enough and weak enough to be stepped all over...all to the glory of His name.
I've had a lot on my mind lately. My life is moving faster than I can handle sometimes. In about three months I'll be undergoing several major life changes. These include getting married (yay!), going to Europe for the first time, graduating Seminary, securing my first full-time job (hopefully), and moving (which will involve living with a boy for the first time). Whew! I am going to be busy. I guess I already am.
But while all this is going on, I find myself having an internal countdown in my head. "In one more week it'll be three months until the wedding..." and so forth. Why am I so focused on what lies ahead? Well I guess that question has a kind of obvious answer to it. But why do I do that to the exclusion of what's going on around me right now? Perhaps I am in survival mode, just trying to make it with all I have yet to do. So much planning is going into the event of the wedding it is easy to wish it all away. But now my goal is not merely to survive the next three months of finishing up school, planning the wedding, and finding a job. My goal is to enjoy these three months, to live in the moment, soak up the excitement and anticipation of it all, and to actually learn something in my classes. Time passes so quickly already, but I want to at least look back after the wedding and graduation and say to myself "I really lived life fully over the last few months."
I am asking God to make me teachable. I want to soak up the information in my classes and allow God to use it to continue to shape me and help me grow as a person and as a professional. I am of course asking Him to do miraculous works in my mother's body to make her able to be at the wedding in May. I am also asking Him to help me to be a gracious giver throughout these months. It can be so easy to become super self-focused in times like these. I feel this humongous burden in my heart about whether or not Mom will be able to make it to the wedding and it makes me want to feel sorry for myself. Instead of wallowing in self-pity and frustration, I want to reach out to Mom and Dad in this time because I imagine it is even harder to be in their shoes right now. I want to be sensitive to the things other people are going through too. So I'm putting on my "others glasses." I hope the perscription is right. Okay, that sounded kinda silly. But you get the point.
Most of all, I want to be a living testament to God's glory in this time. He has the power to change us and transform us, to strengthen us in order to make a difference even when we feel small enough and weak enough to be stepped all over...all to the glory of His name.
posted by Jackie | 5:09 PM
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1 comments
