Growing Up Is Hard to Do

I got an email from my dad today. It made me cry.

He's been packing up my room so that my mom can make it into a craft room. It's not really my bedroom anymore I guess. But he said that as he was packing my things up, he started to cry at the thought that I don't live there anymore. Sad stuff. I really don't.

Part of me wants to make fun of my parents for having a bad case of the empty-nest syndrome...maybe mid-life crises even. But then there's the part of me that understands what it all means. They're only baby has grown up and isn't coming home to visit very often. This summer they moved my bed to Kentucky for me and it was a big deal. The bed I called my own was no longer at mom and dad's house. It is in my own aprtment. I'm not using a dorm-room bed anymore. I'm using my own in my own apartement. It marks some kind of permanence in my leave from home. The question of "When are you coming home for the summer?" is no longer relevant. We're all beginning to realize that I don't really live there anymore.

If I could describe my feelings about this in one phrase it would be this: mixed emotions. It's all kind of sad but it is also exciting. I'm dealing with not having the security provided by living with my parents and feeling farther from them, I am also waiting expectantly for what awaits me in the future. My father expressed those same emotions. While he is dealing with how hard it is not having me there, he is also proud of me and recognizes that he has to let me go to let me fly (at the risk of using a really cheesy analogy).

What do I miss about home? I miss not paying bills. I miss having mom and dad there whenever I want to talk to them. I miss knowing what is going on in their lives all the time. I miss waking up on Saturday mornings to Sammy kissing my hand and then realizing that dad has been making pancakes. I miss having the stability of relationship within my own home. I miss family games of dominoes. I miss mom's macaroni and cheese. I miss the familiarity of home.

What is there to be excited about growing up? I'm excited about establishing another family someday. I'm excited about having a career. I'm excited about seeing the benefits of my education. I'm eager to see what's in store for me. I'm excited about learning through my own independence. I want to bless other people. I want to love other people. I want to enjoy other people. But I suppose with that excitement comes fear. It's not going to be easy, I'm well aware. There will be times when I will feel like I am a failure. There will be times when I feel like no one loves me. But there will also be times of great reward and contribution that will be beautiful in and of themselves. I know it will all be worth it.